Welcome to my Blog!

Life is Grand. Life is Random. Life Hurts. Life Comforts. Life Gives. Life Takes. Life Loves and You're Not Alone nor Lost

Love The Rambler








4.22.2013

Bicycles, Barbells & Breaking Down Barriers

Time always stood still while flying down the alley and the Daddy Bruce neighborhood on my bike as a kid.  Time didn't snap back into place until the lampost went on, we were caught unexpectedly in the dark, or worse hearing mom or dad yelling at some bad kids in trouble.  Having a bike and flying free as a bird in the wind with this hunk of magic metal that somehow protected against all intruders and invaders seems timeless.  I never grew out of it, I never became too old or too bored by the bicycle.  I suppose we are all somewhat larger versions of the smaller us's habits.

As time and life kept going I was always blessed to keep the fun in movement. If it wasn't a bike it was a dance fest, or a hike.  Somehow I always was raised eating right and nutrition never seemed a mystery. The issue was that I was able to eat what ever I wanted after moving out on my own.  The worst part was oh how I could keep up this adorable physique through all the mess. Why such a curse? Well because one day around the time my daughter approached three things changed, and fast. I remember the day I had her and three days later walking out of the hospital in the hot summer with my mini short shorts on that hadn't fit for the last few months.

  It wasn't child birth, it was just...one day.  I guess people call it metabolic change and maybe there was some extra depression in there over a failed relationship but still....50 lbs!? REALLY!?  Just one day of changing nothing I had done for years?  SO not fair, but so dang true. SO a few months go by and a few more and all the sudden I don't much care for my pictures in family situations and my clothes don't fit.  Well I always had the blessing of curves and never a shortage of men seeking me out chubby or thin, but sheesh I couldn't stand it.  Over time it just became me...I have always loved food and the social love that comes with it. I already know I'm not an emotional eater but rather a sleeper. But in social situations and equating love and value!? FOOD wins every time. From my creative side of culinary wonders to showing those I love just how much I love them.

As I sign up for a 47 mile bike race and realize a size I haven't been in 10 years I am very excited to walk by old photos of me, I get excited to see them. Not for any other reason than "Hey look at me back then! I look sooooo much better now!" Its like a tipping point has come to pass where expert knowledge, action, preparation,  psychological readiness, and me learning how to do them all at once, rather than a few at a time has made magic.  I have to look ahead thus a crazy bike race, I have to look behind, thus keep my spirits up, I have to look forward, thus belief that I can do what I really haven't been able to believe I could or should is WORKING! And most important to know I can keep going and to truly know just how fun it is!

Beauty to Shreds...Dove's Forensic Experiment


I am in shock over the miles of space in between the reactions over the new Dove video.  Call me lame but often times I don't really see things until they go viral on Facebook.  I heard things left and right, something about redefining beauty and seemingly negative comments about something that went viral about beauty. On the far other side, other women emphatically saying for all women to watch and how awesome it is. Blah blah I had no idea what they were talking about. Click. Move on. Then a few days goes by and a friend posts a video about a forensic artist who blindly interviews women about themselves as he sketches their face. He then asks someone who was in the room with them earlier to do the same. The self described outcome is a sadder more homely drawing, whereas the other woman's description is more accurate to the woman.  Overall message we are supposed to come away with is: STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! HAVE SOME PRIDE IN YOUR BEAUTY!


This sounds all fine and dandy doesn't it? But to my she-grin women are up in flames over this thing. Its now a viral fail, or is it? There are blogs and rants and raves over how awful Dove is for marketing this video. The thing for me was I didn't go into this video with any opinion. I had actually forgot about the comment threads days before, so for me I felt I saw it with a fresh perspective. If you haven't yet seen it, maybe do that before reading any of this. Sit with your reaction good or bad for a few minutes.  For me a little emotion was sparked when the short haired lady got very emotional over her reveal. It caused a little lump in my throat and a few tears to swell up in my eyes, along side hers.  There was this feeling of "How could I of seen myself like this?"  It was a sad yet raw moment of "Wow....Why?".

 The reason I was empowered by this video is that it was a stark reminder of how critical we are on ourselves. I can't go off the trail that this was insulting to who we are as women. My main conclusion is because Dove was upfront in their motives and their intention. They were being asked to describe their APPEARANCE. They were not asked to describe their beliefs, their accomplishments, their passions nor their heart. It was a simple experiment with a simple goal- How do you SEE yourself when you LOOK in the mirror??? Yes physically!? I don't think anyone was hoodwinked or mislead by a company who's goal is not to counsel women through their personal issues. Dove is a skin care company. Soap. Creams. Lotions. Potions. Not psychological or spiritual rehabilitation on the Dove shelves last I checked.

For years I have battled with the promoted idea that we are supposed to downplay our physical beauty and appearance. I think as a society we have swung the pendulum from Little House on the Prairie too far from the feminist revolts against Barbie's unattainable measurements back and fro, left and right. Once it was too outward appearance focused but now its becoming a pledge and some holy vow to take on this plain and homely look or to not even look at looks, should we all look down? I'm against it. I disagree.  Do I think we are supposed to make looks everything? No. Worship them? No. But hide them? Downplay them? Suppress them? Absolutely NOT!

My opinions do not entail any one or more directive. For example, does one who doesn't wear makeup mean she's automatically  plain, ugly, or downplaying her beauty? Absolutely not. Some women are actually sexier sin makeup. On the other side, as an artistic person, make up, hair do's and fashion are an outward expression of my internal creativity and art.  Each person must determine where they find they're outward beauty and how they make that their own.  I just resist us women taking on this judgmental and nearly hostile attitude towards the women in make up, dresses and stiletto heels. Is that any better than being harshly judged for not being a pageant queen?  These are all the same form of condemnation originating from the other side of the extreme.

 The attacks are mostly around the idea that the one woman says "Beauty couldn't be more critical to your happiness". OOooo Weee!  the feminists have their panties in a bunch on this one! If taken out of context or not feeling the full weight of what this woman was saying as a whole, I could jump down this comments throat too. But what she seemingly meant and implied was "The way we feel and see ourselves effects every aspect of who we are and what we do".  Some of the neh sayers have bashed her saying sarcastically how could we ever befriend an ugly girl? Why would we ever apply for a job if we feel ugly? I think this is a mean stretch. If this woman had a chance to be re interviewed and have her words re smithed, I think she would agree with my paraphrase.

When we walk around thinking we are somehow ugly or inferior on the outside it is very hard to push through and present our beautiful inside to the world. I look at the word "Beauty" from a very holistic viewpoint. I didn't hear her sentence under fire as her physical beauty, but more about the spirit of her  internal beauty and spirit that projects through her outward appearance. We can't ignore that depressed woman in the corner with a dirty t shirt at a party as just having her "own way" of projecting her beauty, can we?  Can we hire the woman who is so doubtful over her own work and accomplishments that she is almost disqualifying herself throughout the whole interview, eyes glued to the floor, can we?  This is more. This runs deeper.

Women are the most insecure beings on the planet.  From the time we are little we are balls of insecurity in a big mean world. Where those come from I say the pits of hell. While practically it may be society, commercials, family, bully's or the like, but deep down under it comes from evil. From the time we are small we are told about being too fat, too thin, too curly, too straight, too light, too dark, too smart,  too dumb, too selfish, too giving, too loud, too quiet,  too this and too that. But the worst part is we then take on these words and thrash them out at others. We make headlines with the worst attacks on other women. We dish out the dirt on celebrity gossip magazines. We insult an accomplished female politician on her choice of dress suit.  We go viral.

We are smart, we are strong, we are powerful, we are brave, we are over comers and more importantly to me and my faith, we are created in the image of GOD. Sometimes as grown women we can't even see the scars we've brought up through our childhoods. These women on the video were almost in shock over how they're self descriptions led to such a sad mis representation of themselves, and who else could they blame? Where else could they look? They were the only ones describing themselves.

I don't blame or knock Dove for anything more than maybe not doing their best work with a research test market group before launching this. There are technical errors such as yeah maybe they could have featured a few more women of the non Caucasian decent, but in reality, as a half Hispanic  married to an African with all mixed race children, the colors didn't offend me. I gave them the benefit of the doubt on that since they've predominantly used a wide array of races in their previous Size campaigns. The descriptions of thin nose vs protruding nose didn't strike me as a racial insult but I listened a second time more around how those were described. One side felt happy and pleasing while another felt insecure and pointing out a flaw of her own opinion. Each woman can define this for herself. And for all we know maybe the Caucasian women's responses and results were the most negative???  thus being featured more in the video. Who knows.

It leads me to a strong conviction that we as women have to lift each other up and lift up any movements to restore what the evil world has tried to strip us of. Even if its in a touchy arena that has seemingly been the problem. Just because an over focus on outward beauty was a big issue in our past as women, doesn't mean we can't reclaim this as our own on our own terms.  To be sexy, hot, adorned or unadorned, and to embrace our physical beauty is not something to shy away from. To downplay our beautiful bodies, in any shape size or shade is a sad surrender to our essence. While society will always be a strong force to be reckoned with, let us not over attack and tear each other apart at any level.


As a mother of two daughters,  I don't ever want them to think they are just hot bodies walking around ignoring their souls and core identity. But nor do I not want them walking around thinking they are all soul with a useless sausage encasement of a body. I feel God made us ALL different for a reason. There is a physical reason we are unique, like a fingerprint. Let our physical beauty and our physical self esteem raise along side our spiritual and emotional esteem too. And at the end of the day this was a marketing thing. Dove has some great images on a Google search for Real Beauty Campaign and their 'Self Esteem' fund too. So when we spend our dollars out there do we spend them with companies promoting our values? Hopefully we do. If not I'd at least spend a few bucks on a company that's at least trying, even if they're not getting it perfect every time.