A Mother's Day Hangover.....

S

So I woke up this morning with a Mother's Day hangover, and not in the alcoholic sense but rather a spiritual hangover. I feel so drained and exhausted because for me this mother's day was just sort of a sadder sicker version than usual.  It wasn't all bad but man was there just a flood of emotions and stories this year that just magnifies the necessity for the mothering spirit to be on point and present in this world.

Most years I get a little down at the sad stories I hear but this year it was just too much. I am so blessed by my mom and our relationship and her presence in my life. I never take it for granted but this year it was just canonized to the greatest level by all I  could compare it to out there. It seemed everywhere I turned there was some depravity at the deepest level.  In theory each year I know there are people out there struggling with mothers day, and a few stories I hear closer to my world in whispers.

This year they weren't just on t.v but screamed in my ears by people close to me I love, and caused this hangover deep in the pit of my stomach...

Why must a mother abandon her first born child?
Why must a mother kill her child before they're born and regret it ever after?
Why must a mother not know who her child's father is?
Why must a mother find out her husband and children's father is not only cheating on her but started a porn business behind her back?
Why must a child tell me their former foster mother beat them until bloody, degraded their self esteem, dangled 'adoption' like a carrot of control, and then forced them to call her 'mommy'?
Why must a teen mom make a smart but sad choice to give their child up for adoption?
Why must a marriage of 30 years end over dumbness?
Why must a teen be raped by their father and uncle at age 2 and prostituted by mom at 4 and unsure if she'll ever physically be able to become a mom ?
Why must a mom choose drugs and addiction over her children's well being, no matter how many times help is offered?
Why must a mom loose their  4year old to brain cancer?
Why must a mother be so mentally out of touch with psychosis that she doesn't even know her own kids? 
Why must a mom be an ocean away from their child just to survive and provide?
Why must a woman put off being a mom for another season due to money or no health insurance?
Why must a 29 year old have to spend her first mothers day without her mom alive?

While this causes nausea and ever wondering, the question can not be 'why?' because it demands an answer and to these,there are few answers if at all. Its not time to ask why, but to ask 'what next?' The redemption to any and all of this is that God is still in the midst of this madness and is ready to comfort us in our time of need.  It makes me hate and oppose evil ever stronger when I see this because in this world today we like to say 'sin' and 'evil' doesn't really exist. But when the bond and intent for the maternal instinct is tarnished at such a dark systemic level, I can say evil and sin exists seeking to devour and destroy by night. These examples are far beyond just 'bad choices' but they are fueled not by logic, love, practicality or any other decent human attribute- they are infecting and tarnishing good people to do bad things and that source I call 'evil'.


The redemption is that the above examples, most have persevered through the nightmare and are moving on with life and making every moment count. People are having to face real hard times, but it is putting into perspective what is important in this world. The kids who have been abused are loving again, shooting for graduation or career goals, are looking forward to being a better parent than what they were taught, and have found God's peace. They have called me 'mom' for the first time, they have called me 'the best mom' they ever had, they have really blessed me this Mothers day and I give all glory to God.  They have not defined themselves by their past or their torture but rather how far out of the hole they have climbed from. They stand victorious and say "What the devil meant to harm me with, The Lord has turned it for my good..."


So I recover from this hangover just like any hangover...I mourn, I puke,  I cry, I pray, I nourish, I rest and re hydrate -but with the LIVING water this time...

Hos 14:9  Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will 
understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in 
them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

LUK 1:79  to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, 
to guide our feet into the path of peace."

Gal 5:17  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the 
Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with 
each other, so that you do not do what you want.