Church Can Hurt

I wish I could say that church is only all the great things it is. I wish it was only friendships, community, the place I found my husband, missions and all the great things it really is.  But sadly it is more. It is just like real life. Not all its cracked up to be sometimes. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it aches. Sometimes, like in life, it ends.  While it won't wave my belief in Jesus it surely supports my belief we humans are flawed, deeply flawed and in need of great salvation.  I am flawed but sometimes I have hope that others will help me get out of that place.  Others wiser and more mature than I. They do.  And sometimes they don't.

As I read the below blog called "I AM NOT ANONYMOUS" all too many wounds came to the surface.  I have had this (below) happen to me in ministry twice already and I'm only 34.  Its the reason I am not pursuing a career in clergy.  Not to say someday God won't lead me back to church leadership, but for now I just need a break. After all I'm ok wrestling with the fact that many people out in the world are narcissistic, misogynistic, racist, power hungry, self centered, greedy, talk behind your back and are generally super messy people. I love those people thus I love ministry and missions.  But what I'm not in the mood for these days are that Church Leaders are also all these things. And I don't mean as in they have temptations like the rest of us,  but surely not that they condone or model this as legit and moral precedent.   I guess I do hold them to a higher standard. To whom much is given, much is required.  I don't believe they need be perfect, but surely those attributes can't be their main operating system.  Surely it can't be and shouldn't be. And when will they learn they can't hide these? They ooze from their being like stale liquor leaks from the pores of the alcoholic in the morning. Everyone knows, who is close enough to their stench. We are to be the light in the world, at least most of the time.

With time I am sure I will get my hunger back but for now I will teach young children and start my own business. Church on wed and sun will suffice for me. I'll drop my work in the offering bucket and volunteer where I see I'm needed. Bake some cookies maybe, and sing a song.
Take the time to read this below blog, it is very worth the time!

I..AM...NOT...ANONYMOUS






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