So often in life we are trying to 'win'. As someone who doesn't even consider myself competitive I have recently noticed just how hard the pressure to 'accomplish' creeps in on my life. Over the years I've tried to learn about 'resting' and 'restoration' and 'sabbath' and the like, but it seems like the busy demands of life are just so much, that sometimes even those 'moments of rest' are in and of themselves something to 'accomplish'.
What things in life can or should we pick up and what things should we lay down? There are so many things we can be involved with and interested in that the line can be so blurry. Often we 'prioritize' out our lives in usually universally acceptable order-in our minds, but is that really how we're living? When it comes to things and obligations how many of them are just parasites in sheep's clothing waiting to devour our very souls? How many extremists take up our media and represent the masses while the stable decent minded hide in the shadows? What are we to do in the midst of loud chaotic tragedies around us and quiet disintegrating thoughts within us?
I wonder if back in 1950 people felt overwhelmed and bombarded by information or technology. I mean by comparison of course we have so many more things agitating our brains but maybe the toaster oven or the calculator seemed 'too high tech' to process too. I don't know but I know that these days we are flooded with media, Google, Facebook, IMs, Blogs, text messages, Twitter and more. I am always battling how much tech flood is rushing at me at any given time. I like technology, love its features and benefit from its convenience but man even I have to chill out on all this mass of mess. There are so many stories, missions, discoveries, studies, commentaries, and happenings out there that its never in shortage. Sometimes I feel like Frankenstein hooked up to the Matrix drooling on my convulsing electric body. How much of this is really something I need to take in? How much of it do I want to process through my mind and spirit? And how much do I want to ignore and set aside- or toss out the window? Maybe I am a little ADD and this seems more challenging of a task to me than the next guy- but I do see a serious value in learning such discipline as 'self control' in this area.
We say to ourselves that our 'family' comes first or that our God is who we place above all else, but how lame is it to be at work forty hours a week? I guess through some underlining thread we could consider that 'providing' for our family and 'tending the garden' or 'plowing the field for the Lord' - but it sure can feel like a rat race or mouse wheel. It pulls in a paycheck and pays off some luxuries and how much time do we have to enjoy all that? I lately have really been diving into gratitude because it seems like so much around us is just overlooked. The old cliche 'you never know what you have until you loose it' seems to ring true and I guess I'm just trying to get a head start on that....How bout realize its worth now?Why wait till its gone. Sometimes I'll just close my eyes and think of the most barren sad existence that I can fathom, and then open my eyes to the true reality of my blessed life. I take it all in, breath it in, touch it, taste it, smell it. As an American I can't help but feel spoiled and blessed all at the same time. There is no answer to the question 'why me?' but man I give thanks! My heart rings with thanks, love and praise to being so blessed its nearly unfair.
As a radical underneath I am driven my missions. I'm the one who wants to be part of a revolution- stop the madness and affect change! This I have learned is not something everyone has but sure does consume me too. We all want to 'help' others at some level, but the question is at what level? Some people were irritated at the Nazi's or Segregation but others were driven to act, fight, even die to change such atrocities. How many battles should we take up and how hard should we see them through? I look at the overwhelming extremists these days high jacking our sound waves and claiming to represent 'us' and it sickens me. There are extremist religious freaks on both sides, around the world and in each pod of religious affiliation. With the upcoming 10 year anniversary to the 9/11 terrorist attacks on our nation there is plenty of sadness to well up inside of us. Who are we supposed to believe and who is supposed to represent us? I suppose just as a Muslim may feel towards the suicide bombers, as a Christian I am horrified at the things being done in the name of my God: 'Jesus' and 'Christianity'. I really must hold that as a higher offense than some non religious person acting of their own conviction. Recently the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Westbourogh Baptist Church (I say evil unloving cult) but it was saddening that all in the name of 'free speech' they are able to get away with harassment and inflict such brutality on others with their words and where those words are said. This is not freedom of speech to me, its defamation of character to insinuate a fallen soldier is gay, when he's not, and ruin his funeral with vulgar signs while his poor family is trying to mourn his last right. Its like w/ smoking 'you're rights end where my lungs begin' and I say the same w/ freedom of speech- 'you're lies end where my son's funeral begin'. I am really saddened that such abuse was of course inflicted by people claiming 'Christ'. Then you look around the world and see the crisis of human trafficking and you ask your self what does a bunch of crazy 'cultists' have to do with priority when human beings are being sold around the world? There are so many missions to weigh and I guess these days we should just pick one, close to our heart strings, any one!
Keeping a fine balance in life may be an over idealistic concept, as life and pressures are bound to build up no matter what we have going on. To draw clear boundaries and keep those around things we hold sacred is maybe all we can do. To realize that so many things in life will lure us, even good things, that we could just become so unfocused and all over the place that we are no good to anyone. Staying focused through the hard times and disappointment are such a skill to strive for. Not being tossed to the left and the right, no matter how Pius a cause, seems to be a fine line. The difference between a stressed out, chaotic, hot mess of a life to a very fulfilled, breathable, successful and steady life that I hope to attain some day so that I can truly feel like "I'm winning-DUH!' ....
